Anyone who reads my Facebook posts knows that last week was rough for me. And anyone who knows me personally knows I'm kind of in my head a lot. So of course, my rough week got me thinking about my life. I never question whether I made the right decision to stay home with the kids. Even on days that they drive me insane, or days that I wish I was out of the house and away from them (and yes, I admit to having those days), even on days that I’m completely exhausted and burned out and don’t feel like I have much more to give...I know I made the right decision. I also know I'd be feeling that way if I worked outside the home, only I would be with them less.
These thoughts lead me back to my hospice days and the lessons I learned from the dying people I met there. I don’t know how many patients I saw over the years, hundreds, no doubt. Out of all the patients I spoke to, not a single one of them wished that they had worked more or stressed more. Not one. The things I heard most often was, “I wish I had spent more time with my family” and “I wish I hadn’t worried about the little stuff.”
I work hard to make that a lesson for my life. I’m learning not to sweat the small stuff. I let a lot of things go that used to bother me. Now I realize they don’t matter. I work hard to treat people with kindness and make the mark I leave on the world a good one. I try hard not to judge others, especially when I have no clue what’s really going on in their lives, which is usually the case. These beliefs are so important to me and I hope to pass them down to my children. I heard a song lyric that spoke to me recently “It’s so easy to laugh, It’s so easy to hate, It takes guts to be gentle and kind.” I want my children to learn that being gentle and kind does take guts, and it doesn't mean you must be a doormat. You can be strong and gentle and kind. It's taken me years to figure that out.
Along the way I've also learned that the time I give my family is what is important. This time I have with my babies is something I will never get back. I don’t have to give them expensive clothes, mountains of toys, or fancy trips (even if in their childhood states they think that’s what they need). Yes I could go back to work and have more money to buy such things, but really that’s not what’s best for them and I know it. That isn’t love. I so desperately want them to understand things aren’t love. I haven’t yet figured out how to teach them that, but I’m working on it.
So even when I have to vent and let off some steam and get out of the house, I’m still cherishing every moment I have with my husband and our children. I’m still thinking about what I so often heard, “I wish I had spent more time with my family” and “I wish I hadn’t worried about the little stuff.”
These thoughts lead me back to my hospice days and the lessons I learned from the dying people I met there. I don’t know how many patients I saw over the years, hundreds, no doubt. Out of all the patients I spoke to, not a single one of them wished that they had worked more or stressed more. Not one. The things I heard most often was, “I wish I had spent more time with my family” and “I wish I hadn’t worried about the little stuff.”
I work hard to make that a lesson for my life. I’m learning not to sweat the small stuff. I let a lot of things go that used to bother me. Now I realize they don’t matter. I work hard to treat people with kindness and make the mark I leave on the world a good one. I try hard not to judge others, especially when I have no clue what’s really going on in their lives, which is usually the case. These beliefs are so important to me and I hope to pass them down to my children. I heard a song lyric that spoke to me recently “It’s so easy to laugh, It’s so easy to hate, It takes guts to be gentle and kind.” I want my children to learn that being gentle and kind does take guts, and it doesn't mean you must be a doormat. You can be strong and gentle and kind. It's taken me years to figure that out.
Along the way I've also learned that the time I give my family is what is important. This time I have with my babies is something I will never get back. I don’t have to give them expensive clothes, mountains of toys, or fancy trips (even if in their childhood states they think that’s what they need). Yes I could go back to work and have more money to buy such things, but really that’s not what’s best for them and I know it. That isn’t love. I so desperately want them to understand things aren’t love. I haven’t yet figured out how to teach them that, but I’m working on it.
So even when I have to vent and let off some steam and get out of the house, I’m still cherishing every moment I have with my husband and our children. I’m still thinking about what I so often heard, “I wish I had spent more time with my family” and “I wish I hadn’t worried about the little stuff.”
I am a 32 year old work-in-progress. I hope in 50 years (or 60 - dream big, right?) when my time comes I can say, “I’m thankful for the time I spent with my family and glad I was able to focus on what really mattered.”
No comments:
Post a Comment