First Real Laugh

I'm a little late posting this, but Madelynn started giggling on Thursday! It was so sweet. I was changing her diaper and, like I always do, I was tickling her under her neck before I changed her. Out of nowhere she laughed. A real laugh. I could not stop laughing. I hurried up and called Steve so he could hear it too. Every time she would laugh we would both just start laughing, too. It was great. I'll never forget this day!

Growing...Growing...Gone!

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madelynn has grown...lots! My girl gained 3lbs this month. That is HUGE! Especially considering she only gained 6oz last month. She now weights 12lbs 5oz. She is in the 18th percentile. The ped said she is "very pleased" with Madelynn's weight gain. We don't have to go in for another weight check. She will just see us at Madee's 6 month visit!

It made my day!

Bad Mommy Moment

I cried today. It was not fun. Let me first say I HATE cutting Madelynn's nails and this is why...I pinched her skin doing it today! Luckily I didn't break the skin. But, she started balling, huge tears, red face, the whole bit. I started crying right along with her. I even cried when Steve got home and I told him about it (like 8 hours after the fact)! I've never felt so bad about anything in my life! Poor girl, she was nursing and kept trying to go back to it but she was crying so hard she couldn't. And, I'm going to have to cut her nails again tomorrow because I was so freaked out I stopped at that point (on finger #3) so now I have to do the rest tomorrow. This sucks!

It's Becoming Real

Last night I started looking online for a babysitter. I've sent a couple emails to friends, but nothing has panned out so far. Now, that I've had to start looking for someone I don't know at all just FREAKED me out! It really hit me that I'm going to be taking her to a complete stranger. She's no longer going to be getting the one on one care that she's had since birth. She's four months old now and not a single day has gone by where she's been cared for by someone other than family. Now, she's going to spend the better part of the day with someone that I won't know until now. Granted I'm going to do my research and there's no way I'm picking anyone without fingerprint clearance, excellent references and lots of experience. But still...it's not family or a close friend and that breaks my heart and terrifies me all at the same time. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It took me forever to fall asleep last night. I just couldn't stop thinking about it!

Milestones Mania

It has been a busy couple of days for Madelynn. Last Saturday she held her bottle by herself for the first time. A couple days ago she started squealing. Yesterday she started making meaningful grabs for her toys. Today, she rolled over! OMG, this is such an exciting time! I'm so glad that I'm off of work to enjoy this time. It's amazing. Here are some videos of Madee doing her new activities for the first time...

Not the finest (but longest) two minutes of my life...

Today I went to the mall with my friend, Erin. Madelynn was napping in her stroller. She's on a pretty set 3 hour feeding schedule and I knew she'd be hungry when she woke up. Madelynn seriously goes from zero to "I'M STARVING YOU BETTER FEED ME RIGHT NOW!!!" with the flip of a switch (hence the strict 3 hour feeding schedule).

Well she started to stir, and wake up so I went to the family restroom to change her then I planned to get her bottle ready. And guess what happend after I changed her and started to go to the bathroom myslef? As soon as I sat on the toilet she started SCREAMING. Loud, like I was beating her. I'm hurrying up trying to get my pants pulled back up as fast as I possibly can(sorry TMI).

All of the sudden some lady starts banging on the door, trying to open it and yelling, what's going on in there, is everything okay? I yell everythings fine. I'm trying to wash my hands as quickly as possible. I decide to get her bottle ready in the bathroom (gross, I know) instead of going back to the table like I had originally planned.

Meanwhile Madee is still SCREAMING!!!! The lady comes and tries to open the door again and starts yelling do you need help and again banging on the door trying to open it (making Madee more upset). I say no, we're fine, pop the bottle in her mouth and start to head out the door.

Well, this lady actually got security! I come walking out and the mall security guy is standing there with her. I explained what happend and the lady is all panicked and grabbing her chest, breathing hard. Mall security guy just walks right off. The lady apologizes to me, but you could tell she was still concerned. She stuck around for a few minutes (I think trying to gage if I was lying or not). I told her there was no need to apologize, that I appreciated her concern and I would be concerned if I heard a baby crying that hard too. But, really my DD was fine, just hungry and upset because the bottle wasn't immediately ready for her. Finally, I think I convinced the lady that I seriously am not a bad mom, I just have a VERY sensative daughter. Uggg. It was not a fun time to say the least.

Squeals of Joy

Yesterday Madelynn made this noise that I was pretty certain was a a laugh. I wasn't positive and I didn't want to get my hopes up. But today she did it twice! I was so exciting. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I'm so glad I got to hear it first! It's really more of a squeal than a laugh. I can't wait to hear it again!

Darling Daughter

Madelynn

Sweet, precious

Smiling, cooing, drooling

Best thing I've done

Baby girl

Over and Done With

I am so pleased to say that colic is officially OVER! It's actually been over for about 2 weeks now, but being back at work has made it difficult to post! A couple of weeks ago I went back to work and my grandma came in from Kentucky to watch Madelynn (thank you, Grandma!). I was so worried that the crying would continue past the 3 month mark since it started so early.

But, just one day it seemed to stop. Caring for her is so easy now! When you're used to never being able to put your baby down, round the clock crying, constant nursing, not being able to put her to sleep in a crib/bassinet and all that finally stops, well everything just seems so simple after that.

Madelynn sleeps in her bassinet every night now. She sleeps for about 9 hours a night. She wakes up sometimes for night feeds (which is good because she needs them for weight gain). I finally feel rested. I can have her sit in her bouncer and she'll play independently. I can put her down for a while and she doesn't cry. She doesn't cry through diaper changes now. Oh, she even likes her swing now, which she absolutely HATED before. It's great.

She's so happy and smiley now! It's like she did a complete 180. Life is good!

Now, if I could just find a way to be rich so I didn't have to work...

Before: crying all the time...

After: happy girl!

Growing pains

My baby just doesn't want to grow! So often I hear parents complain that their babies are growing too fast. I have the opposite issue. Madelynn is growing too slowly. Her weight gain is poor. She's dropped into the 1.56th percentile. She's 14 weeks old today and she only weighs 9.6 lbs!

The doctor is concerned but says she's not malnurished. Doc says that Madelynn seems otherwise healthy. Her heart and lungs sound good. The concern is that she's not growing at an arc like most babies do. Her weight percentile keeps falling. Last month she was in the 6th percentile.

I recently went back to work and started supplementing with formula. I fully expected Madelynn to gain more weight this month because last month I was exclusively breastfeeding. Last month she gained 1 lb . This month, she only gained 6 oz. Only 6 oz and she's getting formula daily! She gained more weight when she was on breastmilk only!

The doctor is going to give her one more month before we move on to testing. I've been instructed to follow up my breastfeeding with a bottle of formula to try to get her to take in more calories. We're also supposed to try to get her to take 6 oz at each formula feeding (she's only taking 5 now).

If that doesn't work we'll move on to blood and urine tests and possibly a GI specialist to see if we can determine what's wrong. Madelynn has acid reflux, which could be impacting her weight gain (that's why we may bring onthe GI specialist).

My prayers are that she begins to gain more weight and develop a growth arc. The doctor said she would be happy if Madelynn at least has an arc, even if it's under the normal arc for most babies.

I'll be praying for an arc every night!

Back to the grindstone

I only have 3 days of maternity leave left! I'm so sad. I only have to go back for three weeks. Then I have two months of summer break. I keep telling myself I can do almost anything for three weeks! But, that doesn't make me feel any better.

It really hit me today because Steve and I talked about our schedule. I realized that I'm basically only going to have 5 hours with her before bedtime. How sad is that? Yes, I'll have another two months at home with her, but then it just starts all over again when I go back to work in August.

It's hard to accept the fact that it took this long to have my baby and now I'll barely get to see her. It's not that I don't want to work at all. It's just that I want to work less. Part time would be ideal I think. Then I could get out of the house from time to time but I'd still have plenty of time with Madelynn.

I guess my best option is to just enjoy the time I have with her and just work my tail off at work so I can get home as soon as possible!

Reflux Frustration

I have Madelynn back on her regular dose of Prevacid, but she's still not feeling better. She's still pulling off the breast and arching her back during feedings. She's so fussy and unhappy. We were doing so much better and now it feels like we're back to square one. I know it can take a week or two for it to fully help, but I go back to work Thursday! For Madelynn's sake, my grandma's sake AND my sake I hope she's doing better by then!

I've been counting on this stage to end by 3 months. Now I'm worried it won't. The doctor told me the worse case she's ever seen was 11 months!!! That's scary!

Well, it didn't work

Madelynn is on Prevacid for her acid reflux. It has helped, but it is VERY expensive. To top it off, we only use half the dose. The other half breaks down when exposed to air, so we have to throw it away. So, basically, we're wasting half of it. It's very frustrating.

I read a suggestion to put the other half in an airtight container so that you can use it for the next dose. I talked to the pediatrician about it and she said to go ahead and give it a try. She said it wouldn't hurt anything, just see if it still helps with her symptoms. I was seriously hoping it would because that would basically cut the price in half for us (we're paying out of pocket for it).

So, we've been giving it about a week and her symptoms are back. She's doing a bunch of things she had actually stopped doing: arching her back and crying during feedings, frequent hiccups, spitting up, and more general fussiness (in addition to the colicky fussiness).

So, sadly it's not working. I'm disappointed, but I'd rather pay more for this med and have her feel better (and not destroy her esophagus). We're trying to switch insurances so we can get this med paid for, but we're not having luck with that either. :o(

My Daughter the Flirt

My daughter, Madelynn is only 10 1/2 weeks old. Recently, I put a mirror in the car for her because she HATES car rides and I thought it might make them a little more enjoyable for her. Well, this afternoon I had just sat her in her car seat. Steve and I were briefly talking before he went into the store (Madelynn and I were going to wait in the car). While we were talking Madelynn started checking out her reflection...and flirting! I'm not just talking about little smiles either. This girl was putting her head down, then looking up with her eyes and smiling HUGE. Then she'd turn her head and look into the mirror and smile. Steve and I were cracking up! The absolute best part of my day is when she does new things like that. It makes everything else just disappear.

First Set of Vaccines

So Madelynn received her first set of vaccines yesterday. I skipped the Hep B shot in the hospital, so she had to get it at her first month appointment. That means she had to have the second Hep B shot yesterday in addition to the regular set. It amounted to FIVE shots (two in each leg and one in the arm).

I was so nervous! I felt sick to my stomach and I got all sweaty. See, all my friends told me they cried. I expected I would too. Most of them said they wanted to slug the RN, but I didn't feel that way at all. I was grateful for the RN. She was wonderful. Madelynn has colic and acid reflux and cries every time she is put down. The RN knew about Madelynn's crying so she let me hold her till the very last minute. The RN was all prepped so that as soon as I set Madelynn down she'd begin. She felt so bad for Madelynn and I appreciated the extra care!

When the time came I laid her down, held her arms in (she has a very sensitive startle reflex). I put my face near hers and whispered calmly to her. As soon as the shots began, Madelynn screamed and her face turned dark red. I kept assuring her that she was okay. It was over very quickly! That RN was fast!!!!

I picked Madelynn up and almost instantly she stopped crying. I couldn't believe it. I was amazed. I expected so much more crying. I guess I'm so used to her crying that it really didn't phase me (or her for that matter). I don't know if that's good or bad!?!?! She screams like that when she gets gas, which makes it a common occurrence in our house.

So, overall I'm so proud of my little tough girl...and I think I did pretty well, too.

Unexpected sadness

Twice I have tried to write a blog about my baby blues and both times I have accidently deleted everything I wrote! It's very frustrating to say the least. I'm taking it as a sign. Maybe I'm not meant to write about it yet.

My labor experience

I've finally come to terms with the fact that I did not have the labor and delivery experience I was expecting to have. One of my friends, Colene, told me she was told it's better to go in with no expectations, but how do you do that???

My labor plan included a natural delivery. I wanted no epidural, no Pitocin, a quiet room with only a few close friends and family members present. My mom and husband (Steve) were the only ones I invited to be in the room during delivery. My mom was going to cut the cord, which was Steve's idea. They both knew my wishes and were there to support me.

On February 4th I had a doctor visit and was told I was dilated to a 2 and was 80% effaced. A few hours later I had the "bloody show". I knew that didn't mean that I would be going into labor right away, but I had a gut feeling it was coming very soon. I was hoping I wouldn't go into labor on the 4th though because it was actually my nephew's first birthday and I didn't want to steal his thunder. I made it through his birthday party having minor contractions and bad back pains, but that wasn't too unusual for me.

Finally at 11:30pm I suspected that my water broke. I wasn't positive, but I told Steve about it and decided to go to bed. At 1:00am I woke up in more pain and noticed more "water". I knew at that point my water had in fact broken. I wasn't sure whether to go to the hospital right away or wait it out at home. I called the hospital and the RN encouraged me to go in since it was my first baby and my water had broken.

Excitedly, I woke Steve up and told him "it's time." The poor guy had only been sleeping for 30 minutes, he believed me when I told him I thought I was in labor, so he stayed up to finish a project for work. We immediately got everything together and made it to the hospital by 2:00am and confirmed that yes my water had broken. I got all check in and made it to my room so thrilled I could barely breathe. Steve on the other hand...fell asleep!!! I forgave him though because I needed him to be on point when I was delivering her.

In an attempt to be an understanding wife, I let Steve sleep until the pain got so bad I couldn't lie in bed anymore. I woke him up and he helped me walk around the unit. By this time it had been about 6 hours since my water broke. As we're walking around I'm noticing we have to stop every couple of minutes for a contraction. I'm excited thinking maybe I'd have a quick labor. I decide I should get the birthing ball and sit on that to work through my contractions. But by this time the contractions are coming every minute to two minutes!

Let me tell you the most difficult part about that for me was that there was no time to rest in between contractions. I was having cluster contractions too meaning that I would have one contraction for about 30 seconds then it would come right back full force for about a minute or so. I went through this for several hours. I finally got checked by the RN and found out I had only dilated 1/2 a cm!!!!

All that work and only 1/2 a cm?!? I could have screamed. The RN told us that I still had a long time to go. So, I gave in. I got the epidural. I felt so guilty for doing it because I wanted so badly not to, but I just couldn't see myself going another 7 or 8 hours like that. You know the classes tell you that the phase where the contractions are coming so close together only lasts 30-45 minutes and it's right before you're ready to push! I had already been going through that for hours and was nowhere near ready to push!!!

After the epidural I was able to nap. My parents came by for a little while, but decided to go home after finding out I was only dilated to a 3 by that time. We decided I would just call them when it got close.

My doctor decided to put me on Pitocin since I had the epidural and wasn't dilating fast enough. They started me off slowly but kept increasing the Pitocin. After a few hours my epidural started to wear off on the left side of my body. I informed the RN, tried the bolus a few times but it was in vain. The anesthesiologist came and gave me more meds to help, but that didn't work either.

By this time they had significantly increased my Pitocin so that the contractions were coming every 30 seconds! Still my epidural wouldn't work on the left side. I was in so much pain, but quit complaining about it because it didn't seem to help (my RN was mad at me by this point anyway...long story). At one point when I told my RN that I could feel everything on the left side, her response was "I hardly think you're feeling everything!"

The nurse checked me again and discovered they had dilated me from a 6 to a 9 1/2 in 30 minutes!! That was when they finally backed off the Pitocin. For those of you who don't know, Pitocin makes the contractions even more painful. To be having contractions every 30 seconds with Pitocin is terribly painful. We quickly called my family and friends and told them to rush because I was close.

My mom made it just in time. I was in so much pain I was moaning during exhales (which did help). I was still having back labor, so the nurse thought the baby was upside down (a.k.a. sunny side up). She said the doctor would take care of that when he got there in the meantime, start pushing. So I did. I pushed and pushed and pushed as hard as I could. She didn't seem to think I was doing my best, and kept telling me to push harder, my baby wasn't moving.

I was literally falling asleep between pushes. Steve would wake me up by telling me, "DEEP BREATH!" At one point they lost Madelynn's heartbeat. I don't remember much about that. I only remember them telling me to stop while the RN adjusted the monitors and searched for her heartbeat. Then I remember her telling me to take a break from pushing to let Madelynn’s heartbeat "recover." (Good thing I was so out of it, otherwise I would have freaked out)! In the meantime, I'm in TERRIBLE pain, but still only on the left side. There was a strange pain that didn't feel like a contraction. I kept thinking something was wrong, but what did I know? Several times I almost asked her to get the doctor, but I figured I've never had a baby before so this was probably normal.

Again, I started pushing and still nothing was happening. I finally said I needed a break and wanted rest during this contraction. At that point, my RN snapped, "I'll be right back." Finally she got the doctor. He came in telling me resting was not going to get my baby out. Either I needed to push or he was going to have to go in after her (I’m thinking what did that RN tell you???). He said Madelynn was not upside down, but he used some other term that began with a "t". He was having me push as hard as possible (as if I wasn't already) and was reaching inside me in an attempt to turn Madelynn's head. I SCREAMED! This was easily the most painful experience of my life and he kept doing it. (I found out later that my friends and family could hear my screams in the waiting room).

After an hour of all this, the doctor said my baby still hadn't moved at all. He said he thought her head was too big and would need to be taken by Cesarean section. By this time, I was all for it. I was in terrible pain and was crying. I just couldn't take it anymore. The new surgical RNs came in and were so kind (they actually thought I was crying because I was scared of the surgery).

They gave Steve scrubs to put on and sent my mom back into the waiting room. The anesthesiologist came in and then I did get scared! I quickly realized that I could feel everything on the left!!! How were they going to cut me open and pull her out when I could feel it? He assured me that he would make me pain free before he allowed the doctor to cut me. He was great! I was trembling so badly from the hormones. He told me as soon as the baby was out of my body he would give me something to stop the tremors. He assured me it was completely normal!

They brought Steve into the room, let him sit with me and the doctor got ready to begin. Luckily the anesthesiologist noticed and stopped him quickly! He told the doctor to wait while he adjusted my meds. During this time the doctor began poking me with something to judge how much I could feel. I kept telling him "I feel that. I feel that." He thought I was just feeling the pressure from the poke, so he secretly poked me in a different area. When I again said, "I feel that!" The RNs all started laughing. He said he just needed to make sure. Meanwhile, I'm thinking why does everyone think I'm lying about my pain?!? The only one who seemed to believe me was the anesthesiologist.

After several med adjustments, nothing was working. My anesthesiologist told me we had two choices a complete spinal block or a general anesthesia. I chose the spinal block! They made Steve leave the room again while he administered the spinal block. Finally I was pain free! They brought Steve back in and began.

My doctor quickly cut me open, pulled her out, and got me stitched back up. One thing all of the RNs told me about my doc was that he was fast...and he was. After he finished, he came over to me and told me that Madelynn's head was stuck in my birth canal. Apparently, her head was turned and couldn't make it through the canal. She was born with a raspberry on her head, which healed quickly. He told me, "We did the right thing. There was no way you would have been able to push her out."

I wanted to yell, "See, I wasn't being a big baby! I was pushing as hard as I could! I KNEW something was wrong!" But, I just quietly said, "Thank you", tried to stop crying, and waited for them to bring me my daughter.

Customizing is harder than I thought

Wow, I didn't realize how tough it would be to customize my blog. I'm no computer genius by any means, but I can usually find my way around a computer and website pretty well. This one took me a while. Good thing my hubby is a webdesigner. He gave me a few clues that made it a little easier on me. I guess I owe him one!

First Blog Ever

I've been considering blogging for a while. I just never got around to it. Now that my daughter was born, I want to document my life with her. As a teacher and a new mom, I figure I'm going to have some funny stories and other things I'd like to remember. We'll see!

So here's to happy blogging!